She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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