A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
