I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think your dad took our porno
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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