My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
