ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
