well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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