it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
