you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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