its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize