I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
