no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
