He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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