help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
