ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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