you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
