Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
