I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
