Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
