Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize