K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
