p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
