I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
