i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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