I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
