i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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