Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
