We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
