Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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