This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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