This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
