I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dick very happy bro
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
