I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
