i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
