I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
