i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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