Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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