how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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