Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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