her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
