this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
