we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
