Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
