the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
