Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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