my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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