There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
