ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's official drugs can't kill me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
