I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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