i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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