Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
