So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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