you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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