So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
