Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize