She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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