How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
should my penis look like a turkey
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
