Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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