My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
