After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
