Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
