I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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