Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
