Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
