I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
