She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
