wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
