I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
