I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
